Who is the most fucked up? That was the last question I brought up from my previous entry.

I figured the answer to that.

Who else but the person who can't seem to entertain every guy who's interested with her. It's none other than the person who keeps wanting and obsessing about guys whom, in some twisted way, she can't have. It's the person who seem to can't get enough. The person who fears commitment and messes every relationship she has had. Vain. Apathetic. Self-Centered. Ice-Cold Bitch. ME.

And yes, this is a rant entry again.

A friend of my EX-EX-BF's friend called me this afternoon asking if he could fetch (duh, what a term) me from my school so we can go home together (who are we kidding?). Since we only had a seminar this day and since it's freaking Chrismassy season all around, I agreed.

Okay, that's not the type of chic I was way back. Typically, I'd just shrug him off. But lately, I have been very bold about my actions and honestly, I am not surprised at all.

We ended up drinking at a bar outside my school. There were 6 of us. It's all fun at first, until my not so friendly EX-boyfriend appeared. Turns out, they were going to get wasted too.. at that same fucking bar.

It's been decades since we last spoke, me and my EX. The closest contact I had with him was tonight... and it's when I was with somebody else. Given that we don't speak to each other at all, I didn't feel affected by the whole me seeing him, he seeing me in a bar scenario. I am just sharing this to kick-off a series miserable events.

The guy I dated ( if you call that dating) is really not a total jerk. In fact he is nice. He paid for all the booze, the pulutan, our pedicab and jeepney fare. lol. No seriously, I think he's a really nice guy.

BUT. There's always that annoying big BUT! haha.

But, I got scared of him. He talks about serious relationships, meet-the-family shit. For Pete's sake, that is so not me. I am still having fun. Loving my life as a gorgeous unattached chick. lol. If you're looking for a pretty nice little girl to take home to your momma and poppa you've got the wrong girl. Please.

I cannot be attached to anyone right now. Not yet ready for a relationship shit, that's ME.

Besides, I am still wanting and obsessing with another guy right now. How can I be in a relationship with someone when I want somebody else. I was talking to him through the phone while I was staring at my picture with another guy, the guy that I want. Sick. Sick. Sick.

You like me, I like him, maybe he likes somebody else. BUT maybe he likes me too. This is taking up my energy. I am gorgeous, but I admit, I'm such a superficial loser when it comes to these things.

And Oh, this is not a letter for Joe 'D Mango. gaaaah.

I died tonight again.
Merry Christmas guys.