This entry can be included in the top list of what not to write after UNBLOGGING ( if there's such) for a long period of time.

An angst-ridden, sad, depressing, rant-filled entry.

OKAY, so here goes me.

The reason I haven't written anything in this blog for the past couple of weeks is because I really don't have anything interesting to share. I just can't seem to write anything at all. Honestly, there was a point when I thought that this is a short term effect of too much smoking and pill-popping. Yes I do take downers now.

So what have I been doing for the past couple of weeks? I am throwing away all the values I have gained from, as my mother would call it, CATHOLIC SCHOOLS. Let's describe it in a goody goody perspective, I am sort of like neglecting my responsibilities as a student and ruining my life. Too much booze. Too much smoke. Too much downers. And no, I am not addicted. Addicted is such a strong word. Dependent is perfect.

I have my excuse. I'd say I AM ENJOYING YOUTH because as far as I know I am not getting any younger. When schoolmates call me 'ATE', I get agitated. Especially those freshmen. My unsolicited advice is, don't you ever fucking call me 'ATE' you fuckers... We all get old, and when it's your time, I hope you get the same mocking respect as I get whenever you call me 'ATE'. and I hope you'll look a lot older than I did when I was your age. *evil laugh* No offense though.

I'm not sure if it's just me who's scared about getting old, graduating from school, getting a job, and all that 'I'm supposed to do' shit. Does money grow from tree? Definitely not. So where will I get the money I'll be using to support my 'fabulous' lifestyle? errr.. from a high paying job? So, what am I supposed to do after college? find a high paying job? Yeah, it's so very easy to say.. easier when imagined. I just don't know if that high paying job will make me happy. That's where the problem is.


I just feel heavy now.

I am sad.

Really.

my vices are just short-term solutions.

And I am fucking depressed.

Everyone I talked to are either finished with their THESIS or at the finishing stage. I , on the other hand, haven't started anything yet.

Phew.

;(

I want to disappear in some fuckng weird way. Right now.

Maybe leave everything behind and disappear in the mountains. hahaha. fuck that thought.

++

I have this thing. For this person. And he doesn't know it yet. And I don't think he will fucking care. I do like him. I doubt he likes me too. I am sad because I don't want to leave school for christmas vacation without being with him again. *song plays 'we'd get on by kate nash'* ahahahha. you like me, i like him, maybe he likes somebody else. who is the most fucked up? hahaha.. fuck.